Bottom of the Second

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The week before his second surgery was a good week. I had spent 16 weeks struggling with "the peace that passes all understanding".

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I had a sense of peace but still wasn't at that point of transcending all understanding. My understanding was that I might lose my husband, and how could any good come of that????
About a week before surgery Pastor Juan spoke about letting satan curse us with our own tongue. It was almost an epiphany for me. I had been letting this go on for years. I was able to take my own thoughts captive, to stop the forever running tapes of "I'm a loser, ugly, fat, failure, etc." they've tried to sneak in a couple of times in the last two months, but I refuse to listen. I am a child of the most high God!

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2

Also, three days before the surgery we were in Phoenix for his MRI. Now Dave is not a communicator, I on the other hand, can talk communicate all day.  there was lots of drive time, so I tend to ramble. I was going on and on about my struggle with true peace in this whole situation. Dave actually interjected several times with many words of wisdom. About having faith, him knowing all would be as the Lord has planned, and not worrying.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Luke 12:25

So in my passionate ramblings I said "I just want the peace that passes all understanding!" several times while banging on the steering wheel. I guess I finally meant it, because the gracious Lord granted it. From that moment on I have felt peace regardless of the "what ifs", or how Dave is feeling that day, or what the doctors have to say. I now have the faith to go wherever God wants to take us. What I want doesn't matter. I still pray for complete healing for Dave, but I know whatever happens, to God be the glory.
So Dave headed into surgery, he was grateful for the doctors who wanted to be aggressive. He was not into the wait and see thing, he wanted to fight as hard as he could. Both of my grown boys waited with me until surgery was over. They got to see him for a minute or two in recovery before they left. I was grateful for their support.
The surgery was successful, all tumor removed, as well as dead tissue from the radiation. Th surgeon said only healthy pink tissue left. They also placed 8 chemotherapy wafers directly on the tumor bed, the most allowed. Praise God!

Flat Tire

I got a flat tire today. Both literally and figuratively. Dave had a visit to the ER early Sunday morning. He got up to get a drink of water at 3am and had a seizure in the kitchen. Miraculously he did not hit his head. I had not been asleep at all and heard him go down. It was a small one but he was confused and weak. He has not had one since the beginning of this whole thing so it was a little scary. It took him a while to collect himself, them when I got him up his legs did not want to cooperate. I almost called 911 because I could barely get him to the bed on my own. We ended up successfully getting him in the car and making it to the ER. After five hours and blood tests, blood cultures, EKGs, a Cat scan and talking to his doc in Phoenix they determined it was a seizure and not just a fall. He had also had the chills earlier in the evening and a high pulse so they infused him with some antibiotics for good measure. He was MUCH better when we left, clear headed and could walk fine. We decided he took his anti seizure meds too late the night before, that won't be happening again. They also upped those meds.
Then Wednesday Dave lost his job. They did not feel he was healthy enough to properly perform his duties. I am grateful to them for keeping him as long as they did. He was a brand spanking new employee when he got sick and they have been very kind and patient. It was a rougher night for me than for him. He knows God is in control, as do I. I just wish I could take it all for him.
Then on the way home today from picking up Isaiah at school we got a flat tire. I managed to pull into a gas station. I went in for a soda and asked the clerk for advice on who I might call. I almost just called Big O, I didn't care about the cost I just wanted to get home. But then I thought I might as well ask for advice, maybe someone who could help would hear me. No offers of help were forthcoming, and I have changed a tire before, so I headed back out to the car. Then the very nice clerk came running out saying she called her boyfriend and he was coming to help. They were my angels today. We also saw someone we knew at the gas station that agreed to take Isaiah home so he could get right on his homework his video games. Another angel to the rescue.
After all that the car kept stalling, we had tae kwon do and I had to help my fifth grader write his rough draft for his paper on an Italian composer that is due tomorrow. Geesh! Like I said, this week was rough, but praise God his mercies are new every morning! Just something about the beauty of the morning, I knew God was with us and we would get through this day, this trial, just fine. So there was no way I was going to let a little ole flat tire (real or emotional) get in the way of that.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Discouraged

This weekend had me feeling a bit discouraged. I feel completely inadequate to handle the particular challenges of our life right now. I don't know how to do it all. Comfort the kids, help them cope with their Dad's illness. Properly take care of Dave but still be his wife. I don't want to turn into his nagging nurse/mother. I can't keep my house clean, but I've never been able to do that. I'm gaining weight and sleeping to much. And fear has been raising it's ugly head.
But this I do know, when I am weak, He is strong. I've never felt weaker....

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Pick Up Your Cross

And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:27

What does it mean to you to pick up your cross and follow Jesus?

Leave your comments here!

Encouragement!

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Romans 8:35,37

Brain cancer CANNOT separate us from the love of Christ! We are more than conquerors through him!

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Mercy

From Charles Spurgeon's "Faith's Checkbook"
Mercy to the Undeserving
February 14
He that trusteth in the Lord, mercy shall compass him about. (Psalm 32:10)

O fair reward of trust! My Lord, grant it me to the full! The truster above all men feels himself to be a sinner; and lo, mercy is prepared for him: he knows himself to have no deservings, but mercy comes in and keeps house for him on a liberal scale. O Lord, give me this mercy, even as I trust in Thee!
Observe, my soul, what a bodyguard thou hast! As a prince is compassed about with soldiery, so art thou compassed about with mercy. Before and behind, and on all sides, ride these mounted guards of grace. We dwell in the center of the system of mercy, for we dwell in Christ Jesus.
O my soul, what an atmosphere dost thou breathe! As the air surrounds thee, even so does the mercy of thy Lord. To the wicked there are many sorrows, but to thee there are so many mercies that thy sorrows are not worth mentioning. David says, "Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, ye righteous; and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart." In obedience to this precept my heart shall triumph in God, and I will tell out my gladness. As Thou hast compassed me with mercy, I will also compass Thine altars, O my God, with songs of thanksgiving!


From Faith's Checkbook Mobile Devotion Android app - www.WhitneyApps.com

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