Love and Marriage 5

Well, Dave came home. As I said I was not super fond of him at this time. One thing I had learned from all of this is that Love is a choice. It is not something that just happens to us. There is the initial attraction and passion, but for long term it must be a choice. We had both chosen to stop loving the other, to stop putting the others needs before ours. Instead of listening for God's still small voice I had been proclaiming loudly for two years, once you divorce me, it's over. After the divorce, I made the choice not to love him anymore. So now I had to make the choice to love again. It wasn't all that difficult to start feeling after I had starting acting on it. Sometimes our actions need to precede the feelings. Sometimes we wait around for those feeling to come, I believe acting them out brings them to us faster. God is faithful, I prayed that the love would come, that I would not fight it, and it did. We began planning our wedding and discussing our future. I was confident that divorce would never be an option again, but that takes faith too. I can't make Dave's decisions for him, but I believed his renewed commitment was more than a passing feeling, that he too had chosen to love me, forever.

the newly reunited family

Dad walking me down, with sister Stephanie watching

You may kiss the big tall bride! Mom wiping a tear. I love this pic of the boys. Shows their personalities perfectly.

All the fam with some close friends.

My sister Stephanie, my cousin Angie, GG, Me, Mom, sister Kristi, cousin Mariah.
We were told to be goofy, not everyone complied.....

Click on the pics to enlarge!

Flat Tire

I got a flat tire today. Both literally and figuratively. Dave had a visit to the ER early Sunday morning. He got up to get a drink of water at 3am and had a seizure in the kitchen. Miraculously he did not hit his head. I had not been asleep at all and heard him go down. It was a small one but he was confused and weak. He has not had one since the beginning of this whole thing so it was a little scary. It took him a while to collect himself, them when I got him up his legs did not want to cooperate. I almost called 911 because I could barely get him to the bed on my own. We ended up successfully getting him in the car and making it to the ER. After five hours and blood tests, blood cultures, EKGs, a Cat scan and talking to his doc in Phoenix they determined it was a seizure and not just a fall. He had also had the chills earlier in the evening and a high pulse so they infused him with some antibiotics for good measure. He was MUCH better when we left, clear headed and could walk fine. We decided he took his anti seizure meds too late the night before, that won't be happening again. They also upped those meds.
Then Wednesday Dave lost his job. They did not feel he was healthy enough to properly perform his duties. I am grateful to them for keeping him as long as they did. He was a brand spanking new employee when he got sick and they have been very kind and patient. It was a rougher night for me than for him. He knows God is in control, as do I. I just wish I could take it all for him.
Then on the way home today from picking up Isaiah at school we got a flat tire. I managed to pull into a gas station. I went in for a soda and asked the clerk for advice on who I might call. I almost just called Big O, I didn't care about the cost I just wanted to get home. But then I thought I might as well ask for advice, maybe someone who could help would hear me. No offers of help were forthcoming, and I have changed a tire before, so I headed back out to the car. Then the very nice clerk came running out saying she called her boyfriend and he was coming to help. They were my angels today. We also saw someone we knew at the gas station that agreed to take Isaiah home so he could get right on his homework his video games. Another angel to the rescue.
After all that the car kept stalling, we had tae kwon do and I had to help my fifth grader write his rough draft for his paper on an Italian composer that is due tomorrow. Geesh! Like I said, this week was rough, but praise God his mercies are new every morning! Just something about the beauty of the morning, I knew God was with us and we would get through this day, this trial, just fine. So there was no way I was going to let a little ole flat tire (real or emotional) get in the way of that.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Discouraged

This weekend had me feeling a bit discouraged. I feel completely inadequate to handle the particular challenges of our life right now. I don't know how to do it all. Comfort the kids, help them cope with their Dad's illness. Properly take care of Dave but still be his wife. I don't want to turn into his nagging nurse/mother. I can't keep my house clean, but I've never been able to do that. I'm gaining weight and sleeping to much. And fear has been raising it's ugly head.
But this I do know, when I am weak, He is strong. I've never felt weaker....

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Long Island Little Lady

A guest posting from Ruthie Rodgers:

I met a 95 year old woman from Long Island yesterday, she was my guest at Ihop. She was beautiful, dressed spunky, makeup, jewelery, bouffant hair and lots of spirit. I asked her the secret to long life and then she asked: What did you want to know? I told her about the divorce and relocating, she held my hand and told me i would be okay, told me I was young and beautiful, that love would find me again. Her husband died 5 yrs ago and they had been married for a near 75 yrs. I cried at her table, but this beautiful little woman with big hazel eyes blessed me with her love...I hope to live to 95 & keep blessing people with my love. He keeps sending me angels disguised as humans with his message of love and I keep dropping the message, I don't know how to keep pushing forwards...but maybe God is doing the pushing for me right now.


Anyone have any advice on how we can hold on to his message, how we can keep pushing forward even when we don't feel the love or feel the strength to push on?

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