Recovery 2

Dave did amazingly well after surgery. He had surgery Monday morning and we left the hospital Wednesday morning. my parents stayed until Friday to make sure we were all settled in, what a blessing they are. It was so nice to know they were here with the kids. I could focus on Dave and didn't worry about the kids at all.
The first few weeks after surgery Dave did great. Almost no swelling, no headaches, no fatigue. He just wanted to get back to work. Then we had some issues trying to get him off of the steroids. Most of that story is in this post ~ ER. Then we had a second trip to the ER, described in this post ~ Flat Tire. I think with the combination of coming off of the steroids and the build up of chemo in his brain he is just a mess. He also started his first round of oral chemo the last week of February, he takes it for five days, once a month.
He is extremely fatigued, won't eat or drink and it takes me an hour to get him take his meds. He is not combative, he just keeps saying OK, I'll take it. Then fall asleep with his pills in his hands. We got some great stuff from Vemma, sort of like liquid vitamins, that I cannot get him to drink. If you could all continue to be in prayer for him we would appreciate it. We leave for Washington D.C. on Friday for a ten day vacation. I think we might rent a wheelchair so he can see everything without totally wearing himself out.
So the last month has been a challenge for all of us to say the least. We had a guest pastor today from San Diego. Pastor Jurgen was amazing, and as God usually does, his sermon spoke directly to me, to our trial. He spoke about breaking through. About persistence, continuing with prayer and praise and requests from God. He taught from Matthew 15. There is a woman who's daughter is demon possessed, she cries out to the Lord for help. When Jesus ignores her and the disciples try to send her away she continues to cry out. When Jesus said I came for the children of Israel she kneels before him and cries out for mercy, when he likens her to a dog she calls him master and says even the dogs eat the crumbs from the table. Then Jesus says she has great faith, then heals her daughter! Had she chosen to leave, or be offended at being called a dog and march away, her daughter would not have been healed. It definitely encouraged me to continue to pray for Dave's healing, regardless of how discouraged I may become, or what the doctors have to say. To press on, to have faith, to be obedient. I did the sermon no justice, but there ya go.
Dave goes for an MRI Tuesday, please pray for a clean scan. Thanks again for all the prayers and support.

P.S. Yay!!! He just drank his Vemma!

Angry

I've experienced a lot of anger in the last ten months. It started April 9, 2010. A phone call came from Dave's boss, the chief of police. This was around 6:15 am. This had never happened in nearly 25 years as a cop. The chief asked Dave if he could come in and see him at 7:30 am. Without a question Dave said yes. I spent the entire time Dave was getting ready yammering on about what I thought was going on. Did something happen at work yesterday? Are you in trouble? Is someone on your squad in trouble? What do you think he wants? Of course Dave had no idea and just wanted to get over there and see what was up.
He got laid off, that's what was up. No warning, just thanks and don't come back tonight. What? Are you kidding? Nope, not kidding. After 21 1/2 years of exceptional service they could not afford him anymore. The two highest paid sergeants were laid off. After all these years of getting to know this city and it's people. After serving as a D.A.R.E. Officer, a school resource officer at the high school, a detective, a bicycle cop, a mounted patrol, fire arms instructor and a sergeant.
It was shocking, heartbreaking, confusing and, now what? Dave was his calm cool collected self. He actually handled the whole thing with grace, dignity and integrity. He was shocked and upset, even went to a city council meeting to express his thoughts publicly. But he was faithful. He knew the Lord had a plan and he was ready for it. He even told me he felt like it was God's practice run for him before the cancer diagnosis.
Me on the other hand, I was mad, really mad. And I stayed that way too long. I spent months wanting to kick the city council in the shins...really hard. I'm not a violent person so that's pretty hard core for me. :) The feelings of betrayal were overwhelming. I know it was naive to expect loyalty from a business entity, but I did. I thought if cuts had to be made, it would be last in first out. Had NO IDEA Dave was anywhere near the chopping block much less on it.
All these years of calling myself a faithful Christian. Proudly (first mistake) proclaiming my faith no matter the circumstances. Ha. Easy to do when your circumstances rock. We owned a home, two cars and a motorcycle. We had five wonderful children. I was able to retire the year before from a job I had for 21 years. We were far from "rich" but we had everything we needed and more. And now this. How unfair! ::footstomp:: My daddy used to say a fair is a place where you buy balloons.
Instead of trusting my Saviour, knowing He wants the best for us, I stayed angry.

For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm. Plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11

Despite knowing the Lord has these amazing plans for us, I chose to hang on to the anger, right up until the moment Dave was diagnosed with brain cancer. It's amazing how perspective changes the view so dramatically. Losing a job seems so tiny compared to the battle we now face.
God has freed me from that anger, as well as the few flashes I had right after Dave got sick. God and I had a few screaming matches in the car, which, by the way, is an excellent place to throw a fit. You can scare strangers instead of your own family. But He understands, and he still has amazing plans for us, of this I am sure.

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