Flat Tire

I got a flat tire today. Both literally and figuratively. Dave had a visit to the ER early Sunday morning. He got up to get a drink of water at 3am and had a seizure in the kitchen. Miraculously he did not hit his head. I had not been asleep at all and heard him go down. It was a small one but he was confused and weak. He has not had one since the beginning of this whole thing so it was a little scary. It took him a while to collect himself, them when I got him up his legs did not want to cooperate. I almost called 911 because I could barely get him to the bed on my own. We ended up successfully getting him in the car and making it to the ER. After five hours and blood tests, blood cultures, EKGs, a Cat scan and talking to his doc in Phoenix they determined it was a seizure and not just a fall. He had also had the chills earlier in the evening and a high pulse so they infused him with some antibiotics for good measure. He was MUCH better when we left, clear headed and could walk fine. We decided he took his anti seizure meds too late the night before, that won't be happening again. They also upped those meds.
Then Wednesday Dave lost his job. They did not feel he was healthy enough to properly perform his duties. I am grateful to them for keeping him as long as they did. He was a brand spanking new employee when he got sick and they have been very kind and patient. It was a rougher night for me than for him. He knows God is in control, as do I. I just wish I could take it all for him.
Then on the way home today from picking up Isaiah at school we got a flat tire. I managed to pull into a gas station. I went in for a soda and asked the clerk for advice on who I might call. I almost just called Big O, I didn't care about the cost I just wanted to get home. But then I thought I might as well ask for advice, maybe someone who could help would hear me. No offers of help were forthcoming, and I have changed a tire before, so I headed back out to the car. Then the very nice clerk came running out saying she called her boyfriend and he was coming to help. They were my angels today. We also saw someone we knew at the gas station that agreed to take Isaiah home so he could get right on his homework his video games. Another angel to the rescue.
After all that the car kept stalling, we had tae kwon do and I had to help my fifth grader write his rough draft for his paper on an Italian composer that is due tomorrow. Geesh! Like I said, this week was rough, but praise God his mercies are new every morning! Just something about the beauty of the morning, I knew God was with us and we would get through this day, this trial, just fine. So there was no way I was going to let a little ole flat tire (real or emotional) get in the way of that.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Life and Loss

I was out and about today. We live in a small town and everywhere I go I run in to someone I personally know and lots of people I casually know. I always get lots of inquiries about Dave, which is nice, nice to know people are still thinking of us and praying.
But today I realized that everywhere I looked I saw people with stories of loss. I remember them. I remember them personally telling me their story. Whether it was at church, on the phone or in the grocery store I could recall their words, their story, their pain. I remember offering words of advice or comfort, offering assistance with anything they needed. Telling them I would pray. But I also remember thinking, thank you God that is not me, not my pain. I feel bad, knowing instead of thinking what I could do for them, I was thinking "whew". All these stories of loss in our town. Stories of lost love, lost children, lost health, lost life. How arrogant of me to think I would never have a story of my own. Imagine the stories I don't even know. I realized life is FULL of loss, it is an integral part of life. It is something we deal with from the moment the baby bottle is empty and we're still hungry.
Praise the Lord life is also full of gain, of joy. We must remember this in the midst of our losses. This too shall pass. We can't have one without the other. To constantly protect ourselves from loss also keeps out the joy. I realize this is no great revelation. But it did help bring a few things a little clearer into perspective.
The Lord is still working on me, that's for sure. He uses lots of little everyday things to show me He is here, He is in control, and some times I just need to be still and listen.

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