Bottom of the Second

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The week before his second surgery was a good week. I had spent 16 weeks struggling with "the peace that passes all understanding".

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I had a sense of peace but still wasn't at that point of transcending all understanding. My understanding was that I might lose my husband, and how could any good come of that????
About a week before surgery Pastor Juan spoke about letting satan curse us with our own tongue. It was almost an epiphany for me. I had been letting this go on for years. I was able to take my own thoughts captive, to stop the forever running tapes of "I'm a loser, ugly, fat, failure, etc." they've tried to sneak in a couple of times in the last two months, but I refuse to listen. I am a child of the most high God!

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2

Also, three days before the surgery we were in Phoenix for his MRI. Now Dave is not a communicator, I on the other hand, can talk communicate all day.  there was lots of drive time, so I tend to ramble. I was going on and on about my struggle with true peace in this whole situation. Dave actually interjected several times with many words of wisdom. About having faith, him knowing all would be as the Lord has planned, and not worrying.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Luke 12:25

So in my passionate ramblings I said "I just want the peace that passes all understanding!" several times while banging on the steering wheel. I guess I finally meant it, because the gracious Lord granted it. From that moment on I have felt peace regardless of the "what ifs", or how Dave is feeling that day, or what the doctors have to say. I now have the faith to go wherever God wants to take us. What I want doesn't matter. I still pray for complete healing for Dave, but I know whatever happens, to God be the glory.
So Dave headed into surgery, he was grateful for the doctors who wanted to be aggressive. He was not into the wait and see thing, he wanted to fight as hard as he could. Both of my grown boys waited with me until surgery was over. They got to see him for a minute or two in recovery before they left. I was grateful for their support.
The surgery was successful, all tumor removed, as well as dead tissue from the radiation. Th surgeon said only healthy pink tissue left. They also placed 8 chemotherapy wafers directly on the tumor bed, the most allowed. Praise God!

Recovery

Back to Dave's story. I really want to get caught up. This is a picture of him the day before we went home, after his first surgery. Like I said before, we had help from my sister and my parents. What I didn't expect was the amazing, overwhelming support of the community. I literally didn't have to cook for four months. Two freezers were given to us and are now completely filled with meat and veggies and prepared food. Officer Jackie from the department Dave retired from organized three fundraisers that raised an amazing amount of money for medical bills. Sergeant Kevin organized a softball tournament at the last minute that was awesome. And officer Stephanie made some awesome t- shirts and sold about 300 of them! A local auto body shop GAVE us their loner van to replace our totaled one. A local orthodontist GAVE us Molly's braces. It was overwhelming. I didn't know how to properly say thank you to these amazing gifts. We also received tons of cards, lots with checks included, unbelievable. Some of the people sending money, the last contact they had with Dave was being arrested! That is the impact he made on that city. After 21 1/2 years of giving to the people, they were now giving back. God is good. My provider. And they were all praying, friends, family, accuaintances, strangers, Facebook family. The support was amazing, and has kept us going. Please don't stop praying!
Dave recovered well but slowly. He had some major twitching in his hands that took a couple of months to go away, he did everything slower, walking, talking, eating. He went back to work about six weeks after the surgery, at the same time chemotherapy and radiation started. The first week proved to be too much and he ended up working part time during treatment. His main side effect of treatment was extreme fatigue. He had 33 radiation treatments. Monday through Friday for 6 1/2 weeks, and took oral chemotherapy every day for those 6 1/2 weeks. His last treatment was the day before Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful holiday with all of our kids and our oldest brought his girlfriend. It was a great and truly blessed day.

ER

I realize a lot of you aren't caught up with our story but I wanted to post about our trip to the ER Tuesday night. Dave is currently about 4 weeks post-op from his second brain surgery. He was only in the hospital 2 days and has been recovering remarkably well. He had very little swelling, little to no pain, and has been wanting to go back to work since he's been home.
We were sent home from the hospital with a schedule to wean him off of his steroids within a week or so. The steroids help keep the brain swelling down but they also wreak havoc on his body. Near the end of the schedule and just two days before our follow up appointment with the doctor, Dave just sort of checked out. He was awake and aware but completely apathetic to everything around him. Doc decided he was coming off the steroids too quickly and was suffering some brain swelling. The steroid dose was pumped up and then we began weaning again, but much more slowly.
He finally finished about a week ago. Monday he woke up with some swelling in his right eye. It was odd, so long after the surgery. He also had a headache, which he had not been dealing with at all. I waited and watched. Tuesday he woke up with his eye swollen shut and a bad head ache. I was concerned with brain swelling so I called down to Phoenix to see what the doc thought. I could only speak with the nurse and she said to see his primary care doc and if the swelling or pain got worse that we should head to the ER. The primary couldn't fit him in right away and said we should go to the ER so they could do a brain scan. He was feeling better so we waited. By the evening I decided we were going whether he agreed or not. He wanted to shower before we left and ended up passing out in the shower. He was out for just a second, and thank God, he did not hit his head. Just landed hard on his bum. We headed straight to the hospital. They got him in pretty quick, but of course they have none of his records or scans here. All of his care has been in Flagstaff and Phoenix. Doing my best not to be the rambler, I tried to put the last five months in a nutshell for the ER doc. He agreed and thought that the shower incident was probably not a seizure. Then they took some blood, did a scan and did an EKG. He said everything looked good, didn't think Dave would have to go back on the steroids. Which was my main concern. Then he spoke to the on call doc in Phx, who has never seen Dave, and he sent us home. OK. Little to no answers, four hours later, and a missed dinner. Dave's now exhausted and starving. Will call the doc in Phoenix and see what's next. Thanks for all your prayers.

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Catch Up

Back to our story.....my sisters and brother in law sat with me while Dave was in surgery. It turned out to be a very quick surgery. Only about an hour and forty five minutes. Which seemed really fast for what I assumed was a very carefully precise procedure. He woke up finishing a conversation he was having with his sister before surgery. That was very encouraging. He had 25 staples in his head, would've been great for Halloween, but he'd have them removed before then, dang it. The doctor did a great job following his hair line so when his hair grew back the scar would be covered. As the days went by the only things he seemed to be having trouble with were time-lines and he was a little shaky and slow. He couldn't remember if certain things happened last week or that morning, he still struggles with that a little now, 5 months later. The shaking, which was more like twitching lasted a while. We still don't know if that was from a medication or the surgery, or the seizure for that matter. And he was definitely in slow motion for a couple of months. He did everything slower, eating, thinking, talking, walking.
Two days after his surgery he pushed himself a little too hard and he had two small seizures in the hallway. Very scary, but praise the Lord he has not had another seizure since then. He is on meds, but I know a lot of brain tumor patients continue to suffer with seizures even after surgery and treatment. Two days after that, which is now six days from the accident, he was able to come home.
I am a crappy housekeeper. I am such a crappy housekeeper that it is the main reason I was hesitant for my sister to come help me with the kids. Thank God she ignored me and came anyway. Our bedroom was a maze of piles. Piles of clothes, newspapers, paperwork, and just general junk and crap. I am not a hoarder, but if I had no family to care for I am sure I would be one in the making. My amazing sister turned it into a real live hospitable bedroom in two days, with three not so cooperative children to care for at the same time. They were protecting their mommy's crap. Especially my oldest daughter, whom I've had more time to influence with my hoarding tendencies. But I had given my sister free reign to toss/give away whatever she wanted. And I promised not to complain or even ask about anything I couldn't find. So she did! Thank you Stephanie, I had a wonderful, pleasant room to bring my recovering husband home to.

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Brain Surgery

After the time of the surgery was decided and the room cleared, I remember looking down at Dave and saying, you can't leave me, and starting to cry. Of course he said he wasn't going anywhere and he would be fine. It was a weak moment for me, putting that on him. He needed to focus on healing, not on comforting his whiny wife.
We made lots of phone calls. His sister from Tennessee decided to come for the surgery. My sister offered to come out from California. I was having a very hard time accepting her offer, so she finally just said "I'm coming." My parents would come help after my sister left. I was still in a fog. Trying to decide if I should have Dave moved to a hospital in Phoenix. Everyone in Flag assured us this surgeon was great and we were in good hands. Dave was very lucid and he said he just wanted it done now, he didn't want to wait. So we stayed.
We spent the rest of the day making calls and arrangements and just trying to really grasp what was happening. I am still now trying to fully grasp our reality.
Day 3, Thursday September 9, 2010. Surgery was to be at 2 and he would leave for pre-op at 1. The surgery would only be 2 1/2 hours or so. They were planning a total resection of the tumor, but they would do a quick biopsy to confirm primary brain cancer and know how aggressive they should be. The tumor was in the right frontal lobe, a spot where they could be very aggressive and hopefully not cause any permanent issues with memory or speech or motor skills.
His sister was trying to make it before he went in for surgery, his brother and sister in law would be there as well. I was busy trying to make any last minute calls, and we were getting visits from the doctors and nurses who would be doing the surgery. One of them offered to show Dave his MRI and it was the first time Dave realized the size of the tumor. All conversations about him always involved him, but I hadn't had a car accident and a grand mal seizure and I was having a hard time taking it all in. He had not grasped the magnitude of the situation fully I don't think until he saw that tumor on that screen. He had been so calm, and remained so. But just as they were taking him away I saw the uncertainty in his eyes, for just a moment.

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Back to the story

Back to your regularly scheduled program....on my way to Flagstaff to see my husband I made many calls. My parents, my sisters, Dave's brother and sister, and my boys who don't live at home anymore. I basically just let everyone know what was going on and requested prayer. I also checked on the kids, two were sleeping but Kyleah was still crying, obvious shaken from the nights events. And I prayed. A lot. Out loud.
One of our sons lives in Flag so I had him meet me at the hospital. We found Dave in the ER and they led us back to him right away. It was SO nice to see him and hug him and kiss him. He was still confused a bit but not as out of it as he had been at the helicopter. He was still strapped down and braced up. Davis stayed long enough to see his dad and make sure he was OK.
At this point there was no sense of panic. Mostly confusion, it felt like a kind of limbo, yes, like I was floating in limbo. A nice lady doctor came in and said the CAT scan showed a mass on his brain and a possible fracture in one of his vertebra. She was very casual with the news and said he would need an MRI. By the time he returned from his MRI a new doctor was on. He explained the fracture, if there even was one, was tiny. Apparently one doc could see it, another could not. So he basically emerged unscathed from the accident. Wow, God is good. Now onto the unknown mass in his brain.
I felt like a sponge. Just trying to absorb all the information that was being given to us. I was definitely not processing any of it, just collecting, I would deal with that part later. This second doc even took me to a computer screen to see the mass. It was big, and of course he had no answers to my questions. Dave would be transferred to ICU and we would see a neurosurgeon in the morning.

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